February is the youngest sibling

Hello, and welcome to my blog!  My name is Luan Jackson, a “people builder.” I help clients to communicate effectively, resolve conflict, manage stress and achieve balance in life.

Valentine’s Day has come…and gone.  Some of you enjoyed a nice night with your significant other, either going out to eat or staying in.  From Times Square to Grumman’s Chinese Theatre, love was in the air, like positive smog. 

For many, however, the day and subsequent night was a lonely one full of questions.  Questions like, “Why am I alone?” and “What’s wrong with my heart?” The day begins on a dour note.  You log on Facebook and your empty eyes stare at all those smug status updates.  Deep down, you hope they are lying.  No one can possibly be that happy, you tell yourself.  Why do they feel the need to flaunt their joy?  In your eyes, there is no difference between that and a ridiculously wealthy man driving through a poor neighborhood and screaming out the window at pedestrians.  Loneliness, however, comes in many forms.

Below is a video for the song “Born With A Broken Heart” by David Wax Museum.  Lyrically, the song deals with loneliness and the stubborn thorns in our hearts.  The music, however, is upbeat and cheerful – a hand clapper and foot stomper.  The song reminds us that though our hearts often hurt, we should always stomp our feet and smile.  We are all in this together.  David Wax sums it up: “Sometimes we get so confused / We get taken for a ride / We get worked over / Some of us come with new hearts / Most of us come with used hearts/ Baby, why do you look so sad?”

Even if you are in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is tough.  If, for any reason you are unhappy in a relationship, Cupid’s arrows will pierce your heart with negative feeling and the holiday feels like a constant slap in the face, and you will think to yourself, We used to be so happy.  He (or she) is acting like a different person.  Therefore, you wander through the day, clutching your heart and lost in a daze.  The workplace seems…odd.  Your car smells…different.  You look in the rearview mirror and ask, “Who are you?” You do not know anymore.  The person you see in the mirror looks sadder than the day before, and the day before that.  With no other alternative, you pull up a picture of your significant other on your smartphone and stare at it for what seems like hours.  Who are you?  Who are you?  You do not know anymore. 

The pain and stress that February brings is understated and overlooked.  Why is this?  Perhaps it is because February is the youngest sibling; it has two older brothers…

When it comes to December and January, we are overwhelmed.  The season is certainly complex.  December is loaded with to-do lists and concerns over money.  January is itself a monster, a souring dose of reality – the bills, memories of unfulfilled expectations, family fights and disgruntled associates.  All these problems right off the bat, and sometimes the Christmas Tree is still fresh on the curb waiting for the garbage truck!  That is a lot of varied feeling in a short period of time.  There is not much transition.  We are always unprepared to deal with letdowns.  The suicide rate is highest after the holidays, because people do not know how to cope with the letdowns.

February is the letdown cherry on top, so to speak.  By the time Valentine’s Day rolls around, many are so drained that they finally snap, emotions falling to the ground like weak branches in a windstorm.  They have not the strength to deal with any more letdowns.  December, January and February is a rough stretch and many are eaten alive by their weaknesses. 

You know, I think we need to change our views of these three months.  Instead of letting the season get to us, perhaps we should let it strengthen us, and reprioritize our goals and hopes.  After all, our goals must be in sync with our wills or we won’t accomplish anything.  What do you think?

Chances are these months have you feeling down.  My counseling services are available both over the phone and in person in Lapeer and Charlevoix MI.  Call 231-881-7335 for a free phone consultation.  We can also Skype, if you prefer.  I offer conflict resolution, marriage counseling, personal/life coaching, business coaching and much more!

Luan

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